Christmas Park City Style

My Mom and Brother were already up in Utah when I arrived home. Had the day of the 21st to launder/recover and was back at the airport the afternoon of the 22nd. Had acquired new companions though, my Dad and Lauren!



I broke a cardinal rule of traveling by not having a beer in the airport, but as mentioned previously my bowels were in revolt.

While we were waiting to board, the man seated next to Lauren gave up his seat to a very beat looking woman. She had a dog in tow, and Lauren and I excitedly pet him and asked the lady his name.


It was immediately clear that the lady was FUCKED UP. She started to fall asleep sitting up. Her eyes would close and she'd slowly fall forward until the falling motion would jostle her awake. Classic heroin nod, y'all. Lauren asked if she was okay and she slow-talked/mumbled something about her blood sugar. Lauren, being way nicer than me and also a nurse, asked if she needed a soda or something sugary. The lady mumbled some nonsense about getting a drink on the plane and putting something in it. Umm? She also told Lauren "You're so nice, I used to be like you." Not a very good photo here, but you can see her dog's concern.


This one is better.


Anyways, the lady did the fall-asleep-nod half a dozen times before my Dad sat down. As soon as he did the lady did her best nod, beginning to fall off the chair towards a face-plant before she caught herself. JUNKIES.

We arrived in SLC and went straight to my Grammy's house for a Dad-side-of-family Christmas party. There was much sangria for the non-Mo's and much joviality for all.


There was also a song. It would not be a family gathering without some sort of performance.


I am obviously a non-Mo and have therefore got into the sangria.


The next day Donovan set up the giant inflatable redneck snowman on the deck.


The Crooked Tail was not impressed. In fact, he was downright stressed out over it.


Always watching, always judging.


The next night we had the Mom's side clan over for tamales.


















That night things got silly with the parentals and cousins.











"Fools," thought The Crook.


Kitty Christmas torture:




There there, Monty.


All appears to be forgiven.


The next day was Christmas Eve. Lauren and my Mom and I went to Main Street for a smidge of shopping. I had $28 to my name so for me it was more so "browsing".



I want!


That night we went over to my Aunt and Uncles for Christmas Eve feasting.













Omg. Jealous much, Anton?





White elephant tomfoolery.














This was IMMEDIATELY taken from me. Lots of cat ladies in the fam.


Ended up with these sweet T-shirts. It's a long story but I've had one of these shirts almost since I can remember. As have all the rest of the family and even some of my Brother's friends. My Grandpa used to wear them a lot. Sentimental.




Got to open one "real" gift. My family knows me too well!


Afterwards it was time to retire back home. Brother sang us a song which was awesome.


He then went upstairs to a spooky surprise!


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I guess his bed was "just right".


Anyways. The next day was Christmas. For a pack of atheists we sure get into it! The secret is to delay having children so you still get treated like a child for as long as possible...example: stockings! You know once there are babies we're done for.



Sweet double chin bro.


My Mom found me a hat that fits! HURRAH! (It was, of course, from the men's department. Shhhhhh.)


The Crooked was very excited about one particular gift.


Cuz it was a puppy! A very well behaved puppy, too.


My Bangkok bought gifts went over well. Got my Mom and Lauren some sweet shorts/pants. They're really baggy and awesome and Asian.



I got my Dad and Brother beer shirts ALONG WITH a sample of the beer! Don't want to rock a beer shirt if you haven't even tried the beer, duh.



Helpers.





That night we returned to my Aunt & Uncle's house for Pork and Beans and further gifts. "The Present Orgy", as the cousins have taken to calling it.


My present to Sofia went over better than this picture leads one to believe. Although come on, kids aren't excited about clothes, Alecia! Get it together!


The drum set was definitely the biggest hit. She even got lessons from the master.





This picture didn't turn out great, but it's hilarious because it's Silkworm Pupa that Anton brought for my Uncle from Seoul. My Uncle is a food broker and therefore Anton and him have a special bond (sardines). He was quite amused by the gift, who knows what he'll end up doing with it.


Family photo time. I was feeling like garbage but I rallied impressively...at least I don't think you can see my misery in the pictures.








The best one by far has to be this:


Upon arriving home The Crooked Tail received his Christmas gift.


The next day I was feeling slightly better which was good, because it was BOWLING TIME. I did terrible. It was still fun.















That night we went to my Dad's BFF's house. It's super close to my Parentals place. Bill is awesome and so is his house. He is the one with the fantastic flowing locks. A grand time was had by all. One photo was taken.


The next day we had to leave to head back to Phoenix. Bye bye snow!




Anton's Christmas presents from my Parents were quite the hit. A book on meat cutting, a few bottles of fancy hot sauce,




& this awesome shirt. Perfect timing on this photo, too. Lady on the TV is like "DAYUM BOI".


I got to see Tim before he headed back to Philly, praise the lord. It had been almost 2 years! Unfortunately Chuck was taking all the pictures and he hasn't FB'd them yet. Here is the one picture I took, him drunkenly attempting to play pool with his camera strewn about him:


In other news, I went to the Doctor for my lingering illness. They tested me for SO MUCH. Hella parasites and shit. And you know how they test for that...sigh...


It was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced, and that's saying A LOT. I got completely naked to embark on the test journey, knowing that I'd have to burn any clothes were I to be wearing them. I almost vomited and just chanted "OH MY GOD THIS IS SO FUCKING GROSS OH MY GOD THIS IS DISGUSTING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" the entire time. I'm glad I had the house to myself. THANK GOODNESS those tests actually came back showing I had disease, or else I was going to be extremely mad.

Negative for Giardia and Salmonella, but positive for
"Fecal Microferin Inflammation" & "Cocci Bacteria".

Even the names sound disgusting. Now I'm on Ciprofloxacin. MURDER THEM BACTERIAS, YO!

Can't wait to be able to confidently say, for the first time in 2 years, "I AM DISEASE FREE!"

Oh, joy.