KOH CHANG-BANGKOK-CAMBODIA

The journey from Chiang Mai to Koh Chang was surprisingly tolerable. About 10 hours from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, hanging out for a couple hours there, and then about 7 hours to Koh Chang. We were supposed to be arriving at 2pm and it was more like 5, but for whatever reason we didn't really mind. Being deliriously tired can go one of two directions, I suppose.


This was a sign for smoothies on the ferry over...it is still making me laugh. Warter just sounds so disgusting.


In Koh Chang we were worthless beach bums but mostly minus the beach and add in a lot of crazed dancing and shouting. Crazed dancing to the level that I could barely walk at the end because my calves were so sore.


Koh Chang is MASSIVE. It's the second biggest island in Thailand after Phuket. I must point out that Phuket is MUCH MUCH bigger, but still. Koh Chang ain't a small beast. It most reminded me of Langkawi, Malaysia. Pretty beaches, bit green mountains, multiple waterfalls. We'd had intentions to rent a motorbike and thoroughly explore the island, but after taking a pick-up truck taxi from the ferry to Lonely Beach (which we'd heard was the cheapest/most backpacker friendly beach) we cancelled that idea. The roads were INSANE. Super winding, super steep, constant blind turns. If we were motorbike experts it'd be different, but we are NOT. And we learned our lesson in Koh Phangan, you scratch a motorbike and you pay out the ass for repairs (that will probably never get done).


Anyways. Anton found us a bungalow for 400 baht/night (about $13) around the center of the little Lonely Beach area. Strangely enough, the actual sandy beach was about a quarter mile away...but I digress. We were happy to find a place that sold 50 baht big Chang's, as we'd heard the island could be fairly expensive. They even had a new different type of Chang, Chang EXPORT. How exciting.


After cleaning up we went out in search of grubs and had a look around. Lots of little shops. Dog in T-Shirt.



The first night we went out and PARTIED. Found the bar that we ended up returning to nightly, 100 baht Sangsom (pseudo Thai "whiskey") buckets and 150 baht vodka buckets ($3.30 and $5, respectively).



The second day, after eats,


(meow)



was more of the same.




The third day we actually made it to the beach, (after getting MICHELADAS what the heck)



got down on some fish and enjoying the sunset.

























We returned to the party that night.








Meanest kitty EVER.


The fourth day/night I was DESTROYED. I'd had grand plans to make it to the beach to swim and lay out (gotta get my bronze on), but...no. Thorough failure. Anton went out, prolonging his cumulative hangover till the next day.

The next day the cumulative hangover had arrived. I was quite refreshed from my quiet night in, Anton...not so hot. He napped and read for the afternoon while I set out on my mission to beach it up! We'd been sort of meant to leave that day...but we opted for extra time in Koh Chang and sacrificed a day of Bangkok. Whatever. The beach was nice, it was fairly breezy and there were lots of hotties to look at. People were amazed by my paleness. Such is life.








We went out for a couple drinks that night as Anton had somewhat recovered. We'd made some friends along the way and wanted to hang out a bit more. Mostly our friends were the Thai guys that owned the bar, but we also had some British homies. It was relatively calm.


The next day we were not happy to be on the go. We got out of our hotel at around 10:30 and had to wait for about 45 minutes to catch the truck taxi back to the ferry.






Once there we bought a ticket for the boat, were pressured to buy bus tickets because "there are many people", refused, and had to run as the ferry started to leave without us.




It was empty.


The people on the actual island were trying to sell us tickets on the big bus to Bangkok for 200 baht. Once we crossed we got a minivan for 150 baht, and found out that had we bought tickets for the big bus we'd have had to take a 50 baht taxi ride to the bus station. Wtf? Never believe them, it'll help you more than it'll screw you.





The journey back to Bangkok was about 5 hours, including some pretty heavy traffic. We got dropped off at Victory Monument, thinking it was Democracy Monument, and realized we were miles from where we needed to be. We got a 120 baht tuk tuk ride to Khoa San Road, party central extraordinaire.



Ended up staying at the same (shitty) guesthouse as we'd stayed in April '10. There was not a single outlet in the room! Are you kidding me!? My House Guesthouse, for shame. We were just lazy and defeated and only opted to ask a few places. When you're only staying 2 nights it becomes less important.




We went out on the town that night and it was a lot to handle after a long day. The streets of Khao San are just PACKED and you can never walk faster than the slowest Thai. Which is...slooooooooooowwww.





Got destroyed by a chili pepper AGAIN.


Awesomeness.


Safety first.


Met a German guy who was unknowingly buying drinks for a lady boy. The lady boy was pretty decent as far as lady boys go. It wouldn't have occurred to me but Anton pointed it out, and she freely admitted it once Anton asked. She showed me her fake boobs and they were pretty realistic, although as Anton pointed out "you know that nipple was never meant to be on a boob". I'm so unobservant, I swear, Anton figured it out because of MAN HANDS and it'd probably take the person whipping out their dick for me to realize. Oh, Alecia.


Our tiredness from travels didn't stop us from staying out until 7AM. Ughhhh, Bangkok! You are a cruel mistress. We were actually relatively calm drinking wise, sticking to beers and drinking at a reasonable pace. Hence our ability to rock it all night. By the end though...yeah. Alecia was not a very reasonable human being. Saw three fights total. The third and final occured after I'd gotten into an argument with a foreign guy who claimed to "love women!" but also think that "they shouldn't be allowed to hold office". I was turning to Anton exclaiming "IS HE TROLLING ME. SERIOUSLY IS HE TROLLING ME RIGHT NOW." But then the fight broke out between a BEHEAMOUTH Thai guy, and a TINY Thai girl. The combined mysogeny really set me over the edge and against my better judgement I jumped up

and was utterly ineffective. The fight was more or less avoided due to other peoples actions. But I'd broken a cardinal rule of traveling, NEVER GET INVOLVED IN FIGHTS WITH LOCALS. I was in trouble the next day, needless to say. The second fight we'd seen that night a Thai guy grabbed a European guy's girlfriend, the European tried to punch him and suddenly there were half a dozen Thai guys on him beating him in the head with motorcycle helmets.

That's why you don't get involved.

Anyways, I promised Anton to be better behaved next time. But watching dudes beat on chics is just so inherently wrong, when you're wasted it's hard to be rational. I saw hella fights working at Silvermine but it was always just blacked out bros on bros or blacked out Silvermine employees fighting blacked out bros. Much easier to deal with.


The second night in Bangkok was really the cat's pajamas. Did some shopping, Anton met this crazy older New York lady. Seriously Anton?! She seemed alright in the beginning, talked too much but you've got to spit some serious chatter if you want to go head to head with Anton and myself. As the night went on she devolved...rapidly. She was missing one of her front teeth and was definitely rocking the "I've been addicted to heroin for the last 15 years" look.

Claimed to have met multiple infamous locked-up-abroad foreignors in Thailand, claimed to know all these hot-shot music industry types, etc. When we moved bars about halfway through the exchange she and I had to pee, she told us she knew the owner of the guest house we were nearby. It normally cost 5 baht but she assured me she was tight with the owner. Well, false. I convinced him to let us both pee for 5 baht being that I had zero baht with me, but it was a begrudging acceptance on his part. Anton had to (what else) diarrhea a bit later and when he walked in he paid his 5 baht, walked to the toilet, saw it was a squatter and left. I told him that there was a 2nd normal toilet and when he attempted to return to utilize his 5 baht the guy wouldn't let him back in. Whatever. Haters gotta hate. This is only an important backstory for the next exchange:

Towards the end of our time with crazy lady I went to the bathroom again and she turns to Anton and asks "WHY DO YOU KEEP TOUCHING YOUR NOSE MAN?"

Anton: Uhhh, I don't know I don't know what you mean.

Crazy Lady: I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU THINK I'M STUPID?!

Anton: Ummm...I don't know...I don't know what you're saying. I think you've got it all wrong.

Crazy Lady: YOU THINK I'M STUPID. YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU COULDN'T USE THAT GUYS TOILET?! YOUR GIRLFRIEND ISN'T TOUCHING HER NOSE, YOU THINK I'M STUPID!?!

I return shortly after. There is more creepy banter. She tells us that Lakeside in Phnom Penh is closed. That is where we stayed the last time, it was awesome even though it flooded when there was rain. Hella $2 joints and cheap eats and pitchers of beer. We hadn't heard a peep about this.

Anton: We're going to Phnom Penh next, we stay in Lakeside, it's awesome.

Crazy Lady: Lakeside is done. They drained the lake. There are only like 3 guesthouses open now.

Anton: What really?!

Crazy Lady: What are you talkin about? I know you know it. Why you saying this?

Anton: What?

Crazy Lady: You think I'm stupid!?



Yeah. So that was that. We made a hasty exit shortly thereafter. Lady was fucking nuts.
We woke up Tuesday morning and had to get a move on. Check-out was at noon, had to use the internet to print out our boarding passes, get some grubs, and get the minivan to the airport. We were trying to get some cheap Thai food but everything on Khao San Road is RETARDED expensive. Ended up going to 7/11 for a hotdog (which sounds gross but they have onion/cucumber/tomato/condiment section so you can make it overflowing with vegetables which makes it less disgusting as a breakfast item) and sat on the filthy curb to eat it. Sat next to a couple from Sweden, both dreadlocked, pierced, tattoo'd. They were chainsmoking and drinking pink Bacardin Breezers.

At least you don't have to drink Breezers on bended knee.

Just after 1 we left for the airport. I forgot I had the knife I found in our Melbourne crackhouse apartment in my purse, so that got taken. It was dull and rotting, so it wasn't a big loss. Glad it didn't happen in America though, it was at least a 5" blade? Probably wouldn't go over as well there. Flight was 20 minutes late at least, had to do the shitty "pile on a bus and get bussed to the plane" thing, which was only fun the first time when I'd never done it before and got to pretend like I was the President entering/exiting a plane on a staircase.

*Slow wave*

It loses it's luster.

While waiting to leave we confirmed that Lakeside in Phnom Penh was, in fact, done. Only a few guesthouses left, they're redesigning the whole area. Booo.

Saw this gem in the plane magazine.


Arrived in Phnom Penh, were SO HAPPY to have an E-Visa as the line to get a visa on arrival had to have taken over an hour. YAY 3RD WORLD BUREAUCRATIC EFFICIENCY! Got our shit and caught a tuk-tuk to Riverside, the main tourist area. Cost $5 and took over an hour. Some of the most ridiculous traffic I've ever seen. The Chaos here makes Thailand look like Malibu.


Took about an hour to find a hotel, but ended up with a bomb situation. $10 for a fan room with a FRIDGE, tv (less important), hot water (more important), WATER PRESSURE, decent bed and flush toilet. The things you are stoked about traveling SE Asia are the things you'd never see a hotel room without in the States. Such is life. Joy in the little things, I guess.

Went out to get some grubs as we'd only consumed a hot dog and had a disgusting fried food feast. By disgusting I mean SINFUL, as it was all delicious.


Teehee.



Went and had a few beers after, were generally pretty beat after the day's travels.


And that brings us to now. It's 4:30 in the afternoon and we haven't gotten anything done but internet. Tomorrow we're going for a long walk, and tonight we might be dining on tarantula! Anton is investigating a famous restaurant here that serves it. Eeek!

Here's the view from our hotel room.


Have already seen so much fucked up poverty but I don't have it in me right now to discuss. It's good to be back in Cambodia, but man...is it ever humbling.