"how consistent
how can someone so consistently mess up as much as
every instance
how can someone inconsistent mess up so consistently"
one love.
my name is alecia and
i like...
MODEST MOUSE
traveling
alcohol and its consumption
city walks
crooked tail & the orange
reefer
mind expansion
dive bars
my family
maps & the world
substance(s)
lincoln & the civil war
i don't like...
bad grammar/spelling
wood paneled cars
pigs
scottsdale
complaining/whining
religion
"the man"
"i have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow i am still in love with life. this ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our most melancholy propensities; for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away , to loath one's very being and yet to hold it fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?"
OH MY GOD THE GREATEST THING EVER HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!
okay, so when i was at electric daisy carnival one of the acts (too f'd to remember exactly who, though i DID know which day it was...success?) spun this song that i absolutely LOVED and i searched and searched and remembered that the word "somebody" was repeated in the song and i searched all the acts it could have possibly been to no avail. i figured that would not be fruitful as they spin other bands music constantly so i'd basically given up on finding this rad song.
so then last night i was listening to modest mouse radio on pandora and band of horses came on so i switched and started listening to band of horses radio and then in the middle of my stoned and wine tipsy haze i was like HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS SONG WHAT IS THIS SONG OH MY GOD IT'S THE SONG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
it makes me feel like i'm overdosing on ecstasy just to hear it. holy shit holy shit what perfect timing thank you thank you thank you. wonderful wonderful happy feelings are welcome.
oh, and the song is "use somebody" by kings of leon.
i hike further and run faster and smoke in excess and it lets me escape for a little while but eventually my thoughts catch up and it's never fun, never. but it's necessary to stew over failures, i suppose, or else be doomed to repeat them. or something. is that what you're supposed to say when you're trying to rationalize feeling like complete and total garbage?
"everything happens for a REASON" "it's always darkest right before the dawn!" "FUCK FUCK FUCK"
yeah, mas o menos.
everything is a reminder. even the spanish language is a reminder.
i'm reading M4W adds on craigslist to feel better about things. it's working. nothing cheers me up like lonely fucks trying to get laid with horrendously composed craigslist ads. big thanks to the internet, there is nowhere better for me to beat off over spelling errors.
i've come to my senses, that I've become senseless, i could give you lessons on how to ruin your friendships, every last conviction, i smoked them all away, i drank my frustrations down the drain, out of the way, so i sit and wait and wonder, "does anyone else feel like me?" someone so tired of their routines and disappearing self-esteems,
i'll sing along, yeah with every emergency, just sing along, i'm the king of catastrophies, i'm so far gone, that deep down inside i think it's fine by me, i'm my own worst enemy
i could be an expert on co-dependency, i could write the best book on underage tragedy, i've been spending my time at the local liquor store, i've been sleeping nightly on my best friends kitchen floor, so i sit and wait and wonder, "does anyone else feel like me?" i'm so over-dosed on apathy and burnt out on sympathy.
let the meaning slip away lost my faith in another day, self deprication seems okay, i never thought i'd make it anyway
omg less than jake i forget how much i love you and then every couple years get reminded and have to obsessively binge listen to all of your albums for weeks straight. also, great summer music...although i must balance them out with new rx bandits. yeah, bitch moan complain my life is so hard.
blah, blah blah unmotivated...stupid blog mocking my lack of consistency.
i have a pseudo new home. yesterday i got about half my stuff moved into rina's condo.
things that greatly please me about new home: own bathroom tiny depressing backyard bagel the dog ! wood floors in main area
yeah, there's a dog here. get used to 39285023508 doggie picz oMg!!
i also hiked camelback yesterday: 44 minutes and 30 seconds. new record. still not 30 minute club, not good enough bah! it would probably take me hiking it 3 times per week for at least 8 weeks to get even close to 30 minutes...and i'd also probably have to quit rocking so much reefer/drunken marlboro 27's. ...eh...not gonna happen, me thinks. although if i can manage to hike it that much i'm going to get @ n1c3 @$$ f0 $uR3!
sigh. SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH.
my life sucks right now but it also rules at the same time. hate my jobs, hate my relationshipville, love my friends, excited about my new home, stoked for a few upcoming adventures, worried about more upcoming adventures, curious, sad, bored, excited, confused, happy, miserable.
a dash of this a dash of that,
i hope the next three months are an improvement over the last three. it wouldn't take much.
electric daisy carnival was so amazing. i only have like 1 photo from the thing and that isn't even up on their website yet so...whatever.
i was going to scope out the camera-bringing situation friday night and of course i lost my phone at one point (realized promptly and ran back to grab it thank goodness) and realized that my camera would fare no better and i would be INFINITELY more upset if i lost it than my stupid boulder/lumber-ordering phone so saturday it was out of the question. i thought about getting a disposable but even that seemed like something i would immediately lose considering rolling+shrooms+hours of dancing and i didn't have a small bag to use (bad call, bring one i can attach to myself next time) so yeah. only 1 photo from the event as evidence, but it's a sweet pic if EDC website ever posts it come onnn guys i know it's only been a couple days but pleaaaasseee i want to relive it everyday and pretend that's my whole life.
favorite sets in no particular order:
groove armada infected mushroom atb thievery corporation kaskade paul van dyke
yeah so that's way more than half the sets i even saw but i was on a lot of substance so everything sounded like heaven.
groove armada though and infected mushroom SERIOUSLY blew my mind.
With the music Up high boogaloon (?) Bass down way way Low up & under eye Come slidin on in Mojoin on in spain On in an a riff full Of noun riffin or in full Rain & pain spacin on in On a sound like caltran (?) My metaphor is a blues Hot pain dead in blues is A blues axin guitar voices Whiskey broken niggah deep In the heart is a blues in a Glass filled with rain.
By Peptec?
edit: here we go...maybe somebody can decipher it better...
so tuesday when i got home from office work as i was stressed out about having told anton about moving and i was “on call” as a server at bison for a 4PM shift and still didn’t know if we were going to be open as of like 2:15 and then i’d just found out that the room i thought i could probably move into had already been taken and then i went to make a tuna sandwich (which i’d had my heart set on for the previous hour) and we were OUT of tuna and i just lost it and crumpled to the kitchen floor and threw granola bars from the cupboard all around me and started crying and hyperventilating and
i can tell that i’m just being ridiculous and crazy but it’s like i can’t stop so then i stormed out (yes, i stormed out like somehow all of this was antons fault (he’s not completely to blame about us not getting along sometimes) when he was just watching with a “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU’RE CRYING ABOUT FISH” expression on his face) and i went to the gas station down the street and they only had tuna in oil & i want tuna in water god damn it oil is disgusting so that added to my stressed freaking out then i had to drive down the street in the other direction, passing my complex, and to food city where i found the tuna and grabbed the can and anton sent me a text (as i’d sent him one bitching about the gas station i’m so lovely the line for wanting to date me is wrapping around the building) telling me that i could pick up tomato and cucumber and make a really tasty sandwich (good idea) and in my head i though "ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU THINK I CAN HANDLE PICKING OUT VEGETABLES AT A TIME LIKE THIS I AM BARELY KEEPING IT TOGETHER WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO BURST INTO TEARS IN THE PRODUCE SECTION OF FOOD CITY" and i wanted to yell at him for such a preposterous suggestion (even though, once again, it was a good idea) but i held back and bought my single can of tuna (why didn’t i buy more than one so I’d have it next time? the answer eludes me as well) and went home and was throwing ingredients around and then i took a GIGANTIC rip of reefer off my pipe and tried taking deep breaths...deep breaths...and finally felt my world returning to sanity and managed to calm down and eat my sandwich and cheer up ESPECIALLY when i got the text saying bison was going to be closed.
living with a female must be so annoying for boys. what the fuck, i do the DUMBEST shit constantly and even when i have an ounce of sanity left i still can't control it i picture it as me sitting in the corner of my mind nervously trying to pipe in between the yelling and screaming insanely me oh wait here I’ll draw a diagram:
god i love the superficial. especially when it makes fun of palin. this is concerning her getting letterman to apologize to her daughter (which is complete bullshit, as are most "CONTROVERSIES" republicans drum up.).
"Also, because Sarah Palin loves protecting women so much, she'll continue to fight for them to pay for rape kits in Alaska and then be forced to carry their perpetrator's baby to term. I would've just passed mandatory sandwich making legislation, but clearly, I'm not a modern-day Susan B. Anthony like the governor here. Well done."
The Report She'll urge you to confine Resist, Be carefull, cool clam & collective. Never trust a journalist Were off the record she'll insist,, If you belive them You're a fool if you tell them who you've Kissed. you'll see it all inprint. And you'll Never trust a Journalist againa the word are her to twist and your risk of ridiagure
On the side it says, "Extra Extra Read all about it"
I'll have to take a picture and post it as well. The spelling errors are all directly copied, FYI. and that last word...ridiagure? what? could he mean ridicule?
i'm in the need for grease mode of my hangover, typing away on the floor with obnoxious industrial music fucking POUNDING along with my head (not like it would matter) and watching him continue to be the constant disaster, blacked out at noon on a sunday, depressing depressing deperessing. i thought when i dated a guy 5 years older than me i would get a man, not a fucking kid. what the fuckity fucking fuck.
i'm exhausted and anton kept waking me up all morning and i just want to sleep and eat some soup and snuggle the crooked and not go home to pitch black shitty tv shows and beer mugs.
here's some pictures from last friday.
orange cat is one of the most wonderful creatures that this earth has ever known. if you haven't scratched her little chin and snuggled her on your lap then you are missing out, $3r1oU$lY.
yeah. that's trevors new car. no, i'm not kidding you.
sweet pix brah.
tim and rina.
note the scarf.
technical problems.
chuck covered trevors room in magic cards.
cruising.
precision jumping
then it was time to head to first friday's. my camera was dying or i would have captured more moments.
sometimes i get bored and it amuses me to think about my opinions and how awesome and infallible they are and how incorrect and foolish everyone else is by comparison.
but occasionally even i am capable of getting down off my cocky mountain and admitting, with great resistance, (and annoyance that i took multiple statistics classes that hence force me to acknowledge this), that there IS a chance that i could be wrong. not even partially wrong, either, i'm talking fully, 100% inaccurate about everything i think and feel.
((THEN I GET HIGH AND FREAK THE FUCK OUT!!!))
like, for instance, what if everything rush limbaugh has ever said could be dipped in solid gold and put in a museum and admired for how amazing and significant and (more importantly) ACCURATE it all was. like one day in the future when people begin believing in facts again (i'm looking at you fox news, THE NEWS IS NOT AN OPINION YOU STUPID FUCKING) some man does the research and reaches the startling conclusion that rush limbaugh is actually the only person in the history of time that never said anything untrue.
if this were the case i would immediately become a heroin addict. not even a dabble here and there until it became out of control, but balls to the wall slamming that shit morning noon and night, right off the bat. it wouldn't be a choice either. i don't WANT to be a heroin addict, but i simply would be unable to exist in the universe that rush limbaugh has painted. not without serious self medicating, and by medicating i mean suicide. teehee! :)
it's also fun to do this to yourself on different scales. for instance, if everything michael savage had ever said WERE true, then that would be no where near as bad as rush limbaugh, because then there really would be a homosexual mafia and they'd be fabulous killing machines that would probably be on my side of most issues. if ann coulter, on the other hand, were right about everything then i might skip the heroin and just eat some bullets. why waste time, right?
luckily even writing about this has allowed me to climb back on my mountain of cocky, where i can continue to look down on anyone and everyone that does not concur with my amazing and significant thoughts.
i can still manage to make out rush limbaugh from these heights, seeing as he's so fucking fat.
a dry throat and a sneezing fit greeted me this morning, impending sickness at hand. i've been eating vitamins every day like it's my god damned job too, what the fuck. i started preparing a weeks worth of vitamins in 7 separate ziploc bags a couple weeks ago and it's actually forcing me to remember to take them (and not have to go through the hassle of opening like 7 jars everyday, what joy) but alas it's still not enough. piss.
saturday night i sent a text message to a bunch of people that said "tell me a tale." here are some responses i got:
“Creationism.”
“I just saw a fat goth girl doing the Carlton dance in the parking lot of a liquor store in Oklahoma city.”
“I’m going to finish Infinite Jest within probably an hour or two!”
“I got a book worth of words.”
“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess. Who was the only woman, like her mother, who could protect the entire planet, for she was a summoner.
“Ha. You must be bored.”
“Haha…my roomie & I have been waiting for the tattoo guy to call for the last 3 hours!”
“Well…have you heard the one where jesus gets nailed to the cross? Well it was all the jews fault.”
“Once upon a time there was a mouse named franklin, who could not tell a lie. One day a cat came along and said, ‘if you were me, what would you eat?’ Franklin retorted, ‘I suppose I’d make a meal of a mouse’. From that day forward, franklin and the cat were friends. Hopefully by now you’ve figured out the moral, young alecia. Honesty makes more friends than enemies.
“Once upon a time. Some retarded middle school girls went to magic mountain and sang tainted love over and over again on a roller coaster.”
“I have no tales to speak other than I got this girls number at the gym only to find out she is 18, sigh”
“Once upon a time…..there was a Hispanic boy with a vision….”
“The only time I ever babysat, I watched over two kids (age 9). I was 14. Everything was going swell until their parents called and told me that they were a few minutes away. I chose to go to the bathroom because I’d be leaving right as they came home. When I got out of the bathroom, the parents watched in horror as the kids were watching porn. They were watching a girl get gangbanged. I was immediately kicked out of their house.
“The navy 5-0 threatened to arrest me for taking hilarious pictures by their no trespassing signs. They did not appreciate my sense of humor.”
“Keiser is barking at the flashing clouds.”
“There is a girl whom no merchant ever charges. She travels the Earth with no destination and no luggage. Capitalism and Communism both claim her as their daughter, but she does not answer to either. She only ever speaks of her mother, with a twinge of sadness, who we know was most certainly human.”
“I’m gonna choke fuck the orange cat!”
“I once got propositioned to be a part of Donald Trumps entourage of women. Live in vegas on weekends just to “entertain” and enlighten his bizness partners.”
it's a full on 88 (WEIGHTED) key (to assist in understanding it's size: it's as long as my crv is wide) electronic keyboard. for free. amaaazing! my dad's cousin's friend just randomly GAVE it to my dad, and i'd been looking on craigslist for a used one so it worked out perfectly. i was planning on purchasing around a $75 one that would be like 50 keys and super filthy and shitty, so this is definitely an improvement. this thing probably retailed for like $700+ or so...what the fuck...who just gives a keyboard away randomly?!
wait...illogical decisions do not bother me when i am the beneficiary! i don't give a shit what the reasoning was! thank you PIERRE!
now i need to snag my bose headphones and the rocking will begin. it's been YEARS since i've had the desire or ability to play, much less both at the same time.
along with the keyboard pierre also gave my dad a bench and a stand, but i don't think that'll fit in the rape cave too efficiently. i'm just gonna bust it out on the coffee table.
in other news, anton and i hiked camelback yesterday morning. we got to the base at about 5:10...took us 48 minutes to get up...it was AWESOME. it was a little bit overcast and just, sigh, beautiful. i still hate you though, arizona, don't think you can sneak into my heart with ONE pretty sunrise and a fun trail. NOT GONNA HAPPEN I STILL HATE YOU AND WE'LL NEVER BE FRIENDS.
yeah anton took a picture of me but i looked to hideous to make it available on the internet.
